Funmi Iyanda

Okay, enough already, can’t you take a joke! My description of Song is my idea of the sort of man I like, if I had met Song (you can bet your last kobo that I still will) I would have got an interview, a picture and at best run a naughty hand through his dreads chikena! I don't necessarily want Song himself just someone with similarities. It would be great to find a man who has his body beauty, his determined spirit and commitment to a national, community or human cause. I means surely that is not too much to ask for. I know I have told the gals about my wise friend's half bread is better than puff puff philosophy so I speak for most women when I say we don't necessarily seek perfection. Just a man who is wise enough to know that Valentine's Day is no day to be a bloody-minded communist scrooge! What is that rubbish about not buying into the commercialism, not needing a special day and the rest of the wet blanket bullocks that some yeye men come up with? We all know the good lord wasn't born on the 25th of December but we sensibly and happily celebrate our very commercialized Christmas holiday with glee. Then there are the ones who say oh, it should be an all encompassing agape love so maybe you should be exchanging gifts with your children, siblings and the under privileged. Excuse me, what are mother's/ fathers days for? Also any person who needs a special day to give to the poor is a philistine. More importantly who are those miserly knuckleheads who are saying it should go both ways. Read my lips, slowly, Valentine is a one way traffic, you give, she takes, that's romance, chivalry, sexy etc etc and any woman telling you otherwise is delusional, naïve or has not come to her full female power.

So yesterday, the traffic was awful but the city was gay as it should be, sensible men went and purchased flowers and a thoughtful gift for the wife, love interest and other interested parties. The unimaginative of course just bought mass produced chocolates, perfumes and regular (even worse plastic urg!) flowers. I don't care if you don't have money, why not just be the one to cook for her that day or something. Off course there are the city Lotharios who had ordered ten or more copies of the same things for different women. Peace to the world, all I can say is if he wasn't with you last night, he isn't with you period!

Myself, I sat and waited to see who to put on my yes, maybe and bugger off lists. I can tell you I have no yes, a couple of maybes and a lot of bugger offs. I went out for drinks with my gal pals at the new Lagos hot spot, jay jay okocha's restaurant/bar/lounge. That was when it dawned on me that the city does have a problem as there were only a few "monogamists" staring dreamily into each others eyes, all others were groups of gals, a few errant men out alone (too scared to be seen with just one of their many paramours on valentine) and a weird looking group of oyinbo men.

We have a big city problem, there are a disproportionate amount of women to each man so there you have it, perhaps that's why the men are not quite as creative as they should be, demand obviously outweighs supply.
As we sipped our cocktails we began to consider the options and a few came up
A, erase scarcity by sharing in a sisterly bond, I fear this may be going against our nature.

B. Adopt aunty Angie's (story for another day)'s 4 quarter loaves make a whole loaf philosophy. Seem like that will be energy sapping and self-defeating.
So as we exchanged hugs and bade one another good night I suspect each woman has silently resolved to return home to her half bread and give him hell for being a valentine scrooge just before she falls into his arms.

Have a great weekend people.

This is my love philosophy, happy valentine's day!