Funmi Iyanda

The ongoing Ribadu school by force drama leaves me strangely unmoved. I have interviewed and interacted with the EFCC chairman and I am convinced that there is no way he could be faking that near martyr fervour for his work and intense dislike for the man above the law. Many have criticised his methods and berated him for undue visibility, calling the EFCC a toothless bulldog. Aside the fact that I have not seen much done in the area of progress by many such arm chair critics, one most also note that hindsight is the luxury of the cowardly. At the time of EFCC creation, did Nigeria not need a crusader of Ribadu’s ilk to not only scare the pants off the stupidly thieving, but also to serve notice to potential protégés, give the citizens hope as well as buy some international goodwill? Could these have been done by “due process”? Ti ile ba njo, se a ma nlo pe alfa ni tabi panapana (when the house is on fire do you call the priest or the fireman?) Ribadu like some of the other hot headed, feather ruffling lights of the last administration were victims of a derailed Obasanjo leadership. Pre third term, Ribadu’s wars were mostly untainted but with Obasanjo’s blinding ambition I feel he was caught in the dilemma of whether to compromise somewhat and keep his job or simply resign. I do believe he meant every word when I asked him on tape once if he would prosecute Obasanjo and he unflinchly said yes. My theory (I like davin co code, go figureJ) is that he wanted to go with the flow, allow a few lapses to consolidate his position and entrench the EFCC constitutionally and then go for the jugular in a new administration. If I am right he and everyone else facing such a quandary must read Leonardo da vinci tryst with the hateful incensuous, Cesare Borgia to know the moment to quit. That said even I do not think he should have quit at that time when it was obvious that the EFCC was somewhat compromised.

Now we will all siddon look, as he goes on study leave, we will study the newish (sebi na EFCC man too) man and developments at the EFCC.

What would be good is to see a building on the success of Ribadu and a plugging of holes where his style fails. That can be achieved not by slogany due process but the sort of reverence for law and attention to details that true due process demands such that we see less and less cases of people submitting themselves for EFCC interrogation but such people simply being picked up by IG/AGF’s office after the EFCC has built a rock solid, airtight criminal case against them. Then we will see less and less sick, cry babies (why don’t they at least fix the prisons whilst in office especially there is such a high likely hood that they will end up there) walking away to freedom after a media trial. The attempt to merge EFCC and ICPC has cringe worthily mouthed by Hon. Henry Seriake Dickson of the kidnapped mum drama is not a bright idea. Let me reproduce what he said, italics are mine.

According to Dickson, “What I believe in as a person is that there must be harmonisation of the anti-corruption agencies or they should be merged. I believe strongly in that. EFCC and ICPC must be merged. We cannot afford the multiplicity of anti-corruption agencies doing the same thing, funded separately both in terms of capital and recurrent expenditure, doing the same thing. It is wasteful. It is best to keep all of them together so that they can concentrate and get better funded.”

(So declares a member of the unwasteful national assembly)

EFCC did not initially receive funding and a lot of the funding still comes from outside the national coffers). Dickson, the immediate past Attorney General and Commissioner for Justice in Bayelsa State (under the wasteful Alamieyeseigha and later Governor Jonathan Goodluck), described the EFCC and ICPC as “children of circumstance” which were created by the administration of former president Olusegun Obasanjo because of the weakened capacity of the police. (and the capacity of the police has significantly improved huh?)
”Crime is crime. As a matter of fact, nothing stops the Inspector General of Police from directing anybody or any police officer under him to investigate any case of corruption because the agency that has primary mandate for investigation and prosecution and prevention of crime and protection of lives and property is the Nigeria Police. (yes of course, nothing stops him just like nothing stops us from wondering why this has never happened in recent history and what has changed to imagine it will happen now. Wasn’t Tafa an IG?)
”The EFCC and ICPC are children of circumstance because the capacity of the police is so weakened. (I repeat, has this capacity been strengthened, as I recall, the police should have been the primary agency responsible for kidnap such as the case of the honourable’s dear mum, was a special force not needed?) And these special interest in crimes for which the former President thought and I believe rightly, is that we need an agency to specifically tackle. (Have these crimes abated?)
”EFCC has done a good job, fantastic job. Ribadu and his men have done fantastic service to this country, which I think we must be grateful for. (Give him a medal, shove him aside, let’s get on with our business) Like everything human, I don’t expect them to be perfect. The same goes for the ICPC. But I believe that in this era of due process, (new slogan) in this era of transparency, (aging slogan) there must be institutional transparency (newest slogan) as well. The EFCC and ICPC must be made to function together” the committee chairman added.

On the Acts establishing the agencies, Dickson said the National Assembly had powers to repeal any Act. He said only the CCT would not be left intact because it is a creation of the constitution.
He said: “The Acts will be amended and repealed when necessary. That is why we are a parliament. Parliament can repeal any law. The only law that we cannot repeal on our own is the constitution. We can repeal or amend any law. (Usually, this should be a long tedious process but I suspect it can be fast tracked whenever needed)

”It is a question of amending the EFCC Act and then repealing the ICPC Act and transferring all the functions and duties of the ICPC to EFCC or vice versa and the other one ceases to exist. All the officers will still maintain their offices. The powers are still the same.
”The case of Code of Conduct Tribunal is a special one because it is a creation of the constitution and we have no powers on our own to amend the constitution.”

The ICPC Chairman, Justice Emmanuel Ayoola, had condemned the proposed merger. Ayoola had said the ICPC would oppose the merger, adding that each of the agencies had clearly stated statutory functions contained in the Act establishing them that would make merger impossible.

And may I add that the usual town criers have read the body language of president Yar'Adua and are giving him the same rhetorical whitewashing they give every president once they cotton on to his ideological leaning and temperament. They design the projects and media profile to match and deceive him into believing the hype. Truth is that they are in charge, owe no loyalty or allegiance to any one but themselves, will lead the man astray and then dump him to design a new slogan to suit the surface temperature of the new man and the nation at that moment in time.

That’s my conspiracy theory and I’m sticking to it.

There were many more reports to get hot around the collar about but the one about the replacement of Awolowo statute by that of an unknown soldier took the akara for seeming absurdity belied by revelation. That anyone would so dishonour what is actually an inadequate tribute to the legacy of one of Nigeria and Yoruba lands most gifted and visionary leader is disturbing. One is apt to dismiss it as yet another sign of the idiocy of the garrison command in governance in Oyo State, hopefully to be redressed by a different administration but wait a minute!. Is this not an indication of the kind of ignorance of history, total disregard for finer points of learning, dignity and humanity as well as the crass vulgarity that so pervades many aspects of life? I heard the story of how Dele Olojede walked into a literary office and most of the young educated staff had no idea who he was. The Pulitzer was only won three years ago…..eeehm no vex, what is a Pulitzer? That hot! (I bet they know who made that phrase popular).

Since learning is not hot, scandal is. Just as I was beginning to crawl up the wall mentally in bumper to bumper traffic at 10pm, yes pm. I saw a late vendor with a copy of PM news and the headlining story was from Gbenga Obasanjo’s sworn affidavit in his on going divorce drama. He alleges that his father slept with his wife and that his father in law also slept with her and that he was not sure of the paternity of his children. He alleges that she slept with his father because she was greedy and continues to cast other aspersions on her. He fails to say why his father would do such a despicable thing.

That is what he said, this is what I think might have happened. His wife might have been a survivor of incest (plenty of that going on I can tell you) and she might have confided this in him as a lover, friend and husband. His father may have pressurised his wife into sex, these things happen. Now if any of these were true what would a real man do? He would have either supported and encouraged his wife to seek justice regarding her father and stop him molesting other young children or he would have removed her physically and emotionally from such a poisonous family, building a solid loving family life with her and cherished her deepest secrets even if they can no longer work as a couple. If the story regarding his own father were true (especially given the childhood trauma of his wife), he should have taken a gun to the man and dispatched him to the great beyond or again simply taken his family and walked out of such a dysfunctional family.

As it is none of it seems true, it looks like the tirade of a deeply disturbed, emotionally retarded and excruciatingly selfish man. He just appears determined to completely damage his wife’s reputation without a care as to the well being of the children they bore together. Even if by a long shot all of these were true why hurt the children? Why not conduct a quite paternity test and quietly divorce your wife and leave her to raise her children? Why ruin new lives? Even worse if it is proven that these are indeed his children how will he face those children and explain this madness to them when they are old enough to read the papers and affidavit. Why not a civilized separation and ensuing divorce after a few years citing irreconcilable differences. Acrimonious divorces are petulant, wicked and childish. Children need parenting not necessarily parents. Parenting can be done under same roof or different roofs but to take love and support from children in retaliation for real or perceived hurt on your person is the highest level of egomania, irresponsibility and bother line insanity. One cannot help but wonder at why Gbenga seem to hate his own father so.

As you can perhaps tell, I am running away from the hard issues this week. It may be my superstitious Yoruba core but I refuse to start the first work week of the year dealing with those. I see and hear of it all from Kenya to Abuja but I will not process any of it yet. On that note, let me give you ideas for a "not processing any of it" weekend for the slightly vain and mighty brave.

5pm Friday, get off work early and head to Proflex to tighten the jiggly bits and strengthen the heart for the task ahead. You can book a post gym sauna and massage to get the mind and body nimble.

8pm, meet up with friends and eat dinner at Piccolo Mondo, the décor and ambience is alluring. If you have seduction in mind, ask that they put out a table for two in the garden just for you and your victim. The soft lighting, the open skies and the sheer indulgence of it all will bring most mortals to their knees. Just watch out for the bloody mosquitoes! The place also transforms into a club from midnight.

11pm, head to the palms and to people viewing central News Café. Now that is a real "ayecious" (can’t help you there, too complex to translate satisfactorily) place. It ticks all the vain glorious, ego servicing and amoral Lagosian boxes and people just love it. Its location makes it the ideal runway/drive through/market place. The gals get the runway to strut their stuff, the boys the drive through to roll a fierce car and everyone can buy and sell what they choose all in full view of the alfresco dinning patrons and the window rangers staring through the blue glass. Inside there is a good enough band, wi.fi, flats screen for football and fairly well priced drinks by the islands' standards. I advise you to just stick to the drinks.

1a.m, depending on the type of person you are or you state of mind, head for Lacasa, Legato or Valour. Heck, go from one to the other for full measure. Legato is the most democratic of the three in terms of entry. It is the old CLUB TOWER now managed by Gloria Ibru. It retains a down to earth shabbiness that can be appealing and attracts quite a number of movie and music celebs. It is the place to go if you have nothing to prove to yourself or anyone as it attracts a diverse mix of people and ages. Even the working girls here are honest to god about their business and do not bother with the pouty, I am a part time model, part time "lag" (University of Lagos), part time idiot pretence. The band is fair but the DJ is really tapping.

Lacasa is the Holy Grail for those with blinding ambition to succeed, be noticed, be beautiful, and be happening. It all started with the young, newly rich crowd coming to dance salsa, drink and mix with their type but it quickly attracted all those who want to stab them in the back and take their jobs. From the aging lothario, to the newer rich, the supermodel, the Nollywood stars, the corporate call gals and the young business turks, they all do Lacasa. It used to be that the wives came too but these days they have been scared off with only the bravest putting in an occasional appearance. Lacasa is the place to see and be seen, it does drinks well but the dance floor is small and the old school music is actually the nursing home music. Please someone tell all the clubs that ladies night and the rest of the 70s pop shebang is no longer old school for many of us. I know now that my aunty Funmi stripes are well earned as l am an "anti" but even l am a 90s kid, somebody adjust the decades please and give me some rumshaker jo!

Finally there is the new valour, managed by the beautifully mad, 'one pickin, no mumu for house" Tanya (story for another day) Don't be deceived by Tanya's "oyinbo" looks that girl is a Niaja to the core. Now Valour is appropriately named for once you are over 23 years old, it will require bravery, supreme confidence and iron will to get into and stay at valour. This is youth central and not just any kind of youth; this is rich, firm, taut, perky, beautiful, handsome, cool youth planet. I do not know how mere mortals get in, l called Tanya to reserve me seats the few times l have been and even then it is still a hassle. Inside, the space is big, the people are young, and the drinks are expensive. The music is fabulous and cutting edge jumping from new naija music to rap, dance hall, techno, and all forms of crazy mixes. You can spend the entire night dancing non-stop, that is if you recognize the music. Valour can be anything from humbling to intimidating for the old (anything above 25 baby) but that is exactly what l like about it. You see a lot of youthful bodies rubbing up against each other and a number of young couples. You also see a lot of young independent souls just doing their own thing. This is against the grain of what obtains in most other clubs except maybe the newer Bacchus. Usually you do not see open display of affection, love or lust, not because these are not present but because it is usually directed at an unavailable person, or shared with many persons. This is why downtime club game is to try guess who is with who but pretending to be with who else. Also you see a lot of weird couplings like a preponderance of the older man with very much younger gal or the really old white geezer and really young attractive black girl. Everyone to his and her own but l have always wished to see more happy, open young coupling and Valour has that. I wont be going too often though as frankly l am too old not only to be waiting at the door to be let in by Tanya, but the sheer number of people sincerely saying "hi aunty Funmi, so you come here" is just too much for my fragile ego so lacasa is it o.

5am, head home if you live on the island, head to the mainland if you are mad (if you are going to do it, avoid 3rd mainland bridge and do Apongbon western avenue, also try not to take a flash car, one with a beat up body but great engine is ideal) or check into the moorehouse for a few hours, grab a late breakfast at the hotel or at Roberts or Cactus and then head home to explain your night to your parents, wife, husband or/and kids (everybody get oga). Saturday would be beach, cinema or wedding with the family.

In all of these don't forget church on Sunday to atone all these sins and just so you can deserve next Sunday's deliverance or confession, prepare for the week ahead with Sunday evening karaoke at SWE bar. Have a great weekend.

Apologies this is a little late. Now this is my list of women I am currently fascinated with. They are the ones I'd love to have to lunch, dinner and breakfast the morning after with.



Asa, (singer)
Reserved, mysterious, brilliantly gifted, fabulously grounded Asa (Eagle, real name Bukola Elemide). I met her about four years ago when she came on my show, she played her music, I was blown away, she spoke her timeless wisdom in that raspy unique voice, smiling shyly but knowingly through her glasses, quickly I became an Asa groupie. Beside the amazing talent, here is an ultra cool, dignified, wise young woman who is true to herself and comfortable in her own shoes. Her self-titled Album is incredible and a must buy, must play, must tell others about.

What will happen? She will win a Grammy one day.






Chimamanda Adichie (scholar, author)
Spoke about her before but every new encounter deepens my appreciation for the talent, intellect and character of this amazing woman. One on one she is razor sharp in wit and speech weaving effortlessly from one diverse topic to another. She is also funny, sexy and mischievous with that annoying ability of the truly fabulous to be self-depreciating but supremely confident.




What will happen: One of her books will be made into a feature length movie one day.






Madeleine Albright (professor, former. Secretary of State, Ambassador, company CEO and Author)
Met her summer 2006 and what struck me first was how stylish and fiercely intelligent she is. In the focus group we were in, she would play that game of "oh I am the old lady here and these issues might be a bit above my head" then suddenly look piercingly through those glasses always perched on her nose to make the most profoundly astute statements or ask the most brilliantly apt questions. What I like most about her is that brilliant smile and incredible energy, hard to believe that she is almost 71. Reading her book Madam Secretary and then interviewing her in DC office was an education. By the way she can do 200 sit ups.

What will happen: what hasn't happened? Latest venture is a new book (Memo to the President Elect: How We Can Restore America’s Reputation and Leadership), which is due out on bookshelves today.


Oyewunmi Oyeronke (professor, scholar, author, princess)
Brainy, sexy, funny, brave, royal academic. Prince O as she is known to close friends is a phenomenon to be experienced. You may start with her many paradigm shifting and gender dogma challenging books. Shaven head hips to slave for, fierce style and engaging passion for life and learning. She is dynamite to be around.



What will happen: you will read her books








Cecelia Sarkozy (pianist, parliamentary official, run away first lady)
Never met her would love to. That is the woman who turned her back on first ladyship, driving her lovelorn president ex husband into a rebound relationship with the younger, look a like, polyandry supporting (he he he), heiress, model and singer Carla Bruini. She finishes it off by taking off into the sunset with her PR guru lover in America. I love it! She must be a truly intriguing woman. In the world where women hang on to power and dead marriages by the skin of their teeth and are awarded unseen medals for the ability to persevere till they become a shell of their wonderful selves, I find Cecelia refreshing and the entire French soap opera tres delicious.

What will happen: sarkozy will marry Carla, whilst pinning away for Cecelia who will run into Obama at a function in New York, he will fall in love with her, leave his wife and marry Cecelia who will become first lady whilst sarkozy teams up with china to start a bitch war with America. No? Oh shoot! Americans are not quite so sanguine about affairs of the heart, sigh!

What l want: To be consciously happier, healthier, more innovative and brilliant.
How? Feed and pace myself better, exercise more effectively, nurture the meaningful relationships in my life, find a better spiritual equilibrium and continuously learn.
What my inner id says: Bollocks! Aka shio!
What will happen: I will continue to over work, battle sugar addiction, struggle to find balance in life and work, piss off my friends, kiss the frogs and laugh at my own continuous attempts at love, life and happiness.

I know some of my many labels. Rabid, ball breaking, man hating bra burning feminist being one extreme and a sex and the cityish fashion obsessed, man eating, closet lesbian vixen the other. I find both extremely amusing and usually I understand the corresponding levels of fear, insecurity or plain ignorance that fuels such labels. First, I will never burn my bra, which is an unspeakably stupid thing to do. The bra is the garment of illusion, fantasy, support and succour. You can tell a woman's confidence level by the type of underwear she wears. I have a full-blown underwear fetish and after Apple, Agent Provocateur and Rigby and Peller are my next favourite global brands. I do not hate men, on the contrary, I like men, bless them, they are deliciously non complex and thus great fun to be around as well as invaluable resource when linear effective thinking is required, they also possess the phallus which is necessary for effective consensual adult heterosexual liaison which is my preference. They are for the same reasons perhaps a little less challenging. Guys, believe me, I know exactly how all that sounds. Touché huh ;-)?

Women on the other hand are a completely different proposition thus I do love women or should I say I love the possibilities of full blown woman ness.

Perhaps it is because I had no female influences whilst growing up that I find women so fascinating. I can totally understand men's attachment to the physicality of women. There is such power and beauty in the way women are designed whatever the shape, size, colour or age. Pity that media images and sleek marketing has eroded many a gorgeous woman's appreciation of her own unique beauty but that is another conversation.

What I find most compelling about woman is her exquisite contradictions. The ability to be simultaneously strong and weak, wise and silly, heroine and victim. The most outstanding women are those who have reached the pinnacle of womanhood, an ability to understand and work with those contradictions being fully aware of the importance and power of her own beliefs, opinions, desires and voice, the will to use that voice and the confidence to laugh at it all and herself. On the other end of the spectrum is long suffering, self-denying, door mating, women distrusting woman, they are an incredible drain of energy and robbers of joy.
Little girls and young women are beguiling. Their innocence and trust in the world to love and protect them is painful to see, these l constantly want to hug, protect and educate. Adult women are complex in their deep understanding of the things that matter but can be infuriating in the correspondingly deep delusion about their role in making these happen, they l often want to spank. Older women have seen it, done it, kissed, and probably kicked it silly so they are magnificent in their strength and wisdom and l am constantly knuckle chopping (high five) them. All these are of course lazy generalization for which l should be frog marched but it may help to think of age less in chronology but in mental and emotional maturity.
Using the default of age to represent emotional maturity, wisdom either due to common sense or formal learning and humour from a great attitude to life or experience, women who have these qualities are of great joy to me and from all examples l know endlessly attractive to men. Such women are a rock in friendship and incredibly effective in leadership.

Having given you this rather tedious background shall we therefore rendezvous here tomorrow for my own list of the most fascinating women of 2007 and the women to watch in 2008?

So I emerge today a little confused. There is some sort of uneasy comfort in neutrality. Uneasy as it is so unnatural, at least for me. How do you explain having no powerful opinions on the murder of Benazir Bhutto, the removal of Ribadu, the shenanigans of Ms Obasanjo-Bello, the abuse of so called child witches of Akwa lbom, the entire ebb and flow of the holiday season in the 4 very different cities I experienced it from. I am pregnant with information, ideas and thought that it is my natural prerogative to burden you with, seeing as my sanity might be jeopardized by the continued internalization of all such sundry.

However, back to that strange comfort of the balcony experience where I can stand anaesthetized and calmly observant of the actors whose sublime performances are only true so far as we buy into the construct that they are not only the most important part of the play but the writers, directors and managers of it, we being part of the they. It is all happening on a stage curiously suspended but mobile in the rolling tyranny of time. It is beautifully numbing to watch and were it possible, I would like to stay in that space but alas l fear that fool that I am I will jump on that stage and participate in that unending play the script for which no one seem to have.

You don't know what the heck l am on about? Does it look like I know myself? Lets just say I must go easy on the mind altering holiday season ingestibles. Curious, l only drink water but then does life itself not intoxicate?

Happy New Year all, its good to be back and of course it is going to be a brilliant year. How do l know? I don't. I choose.

Okay I am on my knees begging for going AWOL on you. I assure you it is for good reasons.I spent the past two weeks graduating from my African Leadership Initiative program, travelling to DC to interview the utterly delightful Madeleine Albright, America’s first ever female secretary of state and going to London to sort out pending work and personal issues.

I am do have a ton of stuff to tell you but it is holiday season and all l really want to do now is spend time with the shrimp, yanribo, orisa, omowe, oracle, the child and all the rest of my nearest and dearest. I therefore seek you permission to hold the thoughts and gist until the New Year. 2007 has brought me much wisdom and enlightenment with which l boldly go into 2008. I thank you for the great times this year and l wish you and all a merry Xmas and Happy new year. My Xmas gift to you? Asa’s new CD, a truly incredible body of work, buy it now and we can talk about it in the new year as well as about Madeleine Albright’s idea of a woman’s most important piece of underwear and, how much land a man really needs as well the Zuma challenge in Africa and…..oh shut up Funmi!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS ALL!

I will return on the 3rd of January 2008.

Found these pictures (The ugly side of Lagos) from PM News last week and I wonder what our Lagos has become.

Anyway, Lagos state government is thinking about Lagos (pics below) being a mega city in 2020. Hun! I hope it happens so soon

Hello people! This is one of the on going conversations Funmi is having. What is your take on this?

The Nigerian Super Eagles Handler, Berti Vogts released the names of the players for the preparation to the Nations Cup in Ghana 2008. In my own opinion, Nigeria can perform credibly if they can put their acts together and beat other teams in our group.

Another school of thought believes Nigeria will win the Nations cup in Ghana because Nigeria has won it twice in 1980 and 1994. Between 1980 and 1994 was 14 years difference and 2008 will be another 14^th year we've won it last. Hun!

FI is away; she has been traveling since last week and will for one more week. In the meantime, she has asked that I post these illuminating articles (The Historical Origins of Africa’s Underdevelopment and All brains are the same color) which form part of an ongoing conversation she has been having.

I really like Kanye West's music and I am pained that I will be out of town during his upcoming concert in Lagos. It is the sort of concert I would attend as it is doesn't sound like it will be an over priced, elitist, preening hole of over aged teenagers who haven't got the foggiest idea about who it is they have come to see. Okay so maybe I have been one of those clueless, (not over dressed sha) concert goers at least once before. Here is what happened.

Some summer morning two years ago in London whilst on holiday with the omowe (the academic, my BBF) the relentless suitor called "hey fumy (na oyibo) I've got two VIP tickets for you girls to the sold out Johnny Legend concert in Brixton tonight, do you want to go?" Now a little background, the relentless suitor has been in pursuit for the past four years and I would marry him just to get him off my back if he were not such a handful. There can be no other louder, crazier, completely, guilelessly thick-skinned human alive.

Miserly, Jewish and wealthy, I believe his attraction to me is the fact that "fumy is not an invoicer". I just think he is an aging geezer with jungle fever but he can be good party company, besides he wont take no for an answer so he is a recurring decimal in my life known with degrees of irritation and affection to my family, friends and frogs.

One of his things is to act more black and Nigerian around me and since I can be completely clueless about certain aspects of pop culture, I took the Johnny Legend ticket offer as one of his wannabe black and cool aspirations. Yes to my utter shame, I had no idea who Johnny Legend was; neither did the omowe who had once called Jay Zeee, Jay Zed and thought Ciara was Clara misspelled.
I told the suitor to call me back in an hour and called the oracle in Lagos. After the initial amusement at our ignorance, he orders us to haul our backsides over to Brixton and see the biggest new talent in town. We remained unconvinced and told the suitor to arrange to leave the tickets at the box office.

By evening, we decided, what the heck, we'll go see the concert, if we don't like it, we'll go to our favourite Ritzy cinema in Brixton to chill out.
The concert was packed but we remained impressed and oh the shame, went across the road to Kentucky Fried Chicken eating giant fried drumsticks. An hour or so after concert kick off, we casually strolled in and took our vantage position seats.
I am even more ashamed to tell you that as we watched Johnny do his thing and saw the frenzy and excitement he was generating, I firmly remained unmoved whilst the academic, always the cooler and more reasonable one warmed and opened up to the power and seduction of a new generation teddy Pendergrass.

Perhaps it was a carry over of the resistance to the bullying suitor but I refused to engage with Johnny Legend's music until as recent as three months ago after the omowe who by now had his two albums and a beautifully shot concert DVD persuaded me to just listen to his debut album. So one Sunday morning speeding down the 3rd mainland bridge, I popped in the CD and was hooked. What an amazing collection of songs and true original talent, totally refreshing. What an idiot I have been. The story is that he was so disappointed with the way the Nigerian concert went, he might not come back this way again but the good news is that (at least as at early this year), his girlfriend is Nigerian and he is such a gentleman that he insisted on sneaking off to see her folks in Ibadan regardless of his tight schedule, sebi, he will come here o pay dowry.


Strangely it was the omowe who gave me first notice about Kanye West, she had gone through a "fiddy" phase, even getting "caught playing it in her office by one of her students. That phase ended when she properly listened to what he was saying and for me when I saw the credit card swipe through a video vixen's cheeks in his video. The art began to grate. I read Time magazine's Kanye cover and thought, well Kanye does love Kanye doesn't he but I wanted to find out what he was about so I bought the college dropout and caught the bug. Last week, the oracle ripped the latest Kanye CD at jazz hole on Awolowo road and we continue to be fans. Being pro female, the omowe and I do have some sort of issue with the apparent disrespect of women but we are also lovers of art and the creative freedom to distort, magnify or contort mores, images, ideas and words with intellect, wit and imagination. I am aware that this is usually work done by very smart people and the context is perhaps better understood by older or/and more enlightened minds. The converse is the effect it may have on less tutored, younger and/ or impressionable minds. It is a thin and precarious line to walk because even though I get the joke with a line like "l aint sayin she a gold digger, she aint messing with no broke nigger", or the flagrant yabis of the workout song or even the personal conflicts laid bare in Jesus walks, I don't think my daughter as yet gets it and I am concerned she might celebrate those mores and think it is the cool way to be. On the other hand, I firmly believe in free expression and I fully accept my responsibility as a parent to educate my daughter about what is real and what is not and how to get the finer points of subversion without the necessity to immerse one's self in it. I of course have no idea if I will succeed but I know it would be a bleeding shame for the world never to have experienced the art of Kanye West or even Eminem. The same is true for Dbanj's tongolo, Femi Kuti's Bang bang bang, and Olu maintain's Yahooze. It is not a great work of art but it is a good 9ja pop song and can be read either as celebrating the 419 culture or just something that resonates with the aspirational Nigerian spirit. I have heard talk of not dancing to it because it encourages 419ning but I dare you not to move to the beat when you hear it (remember ijo shina in the early 90s?), if after listening to it, you do start 419ning, you were always a butt lazy, criminal minded so and so.

I agreed that there should be some control in airplay of certain music. Some others which are just done for the sake of shock, sensation and commerce, should be rightfully binned but all those irreverent but talented souls who walk the thin line between art and offence should be let alone unless and of course they cross that line. So who's got Borat's news book?

Aunty Funmi Iyanda, career role model Thisday pg 27, ha! If only they knew that you are stubborn, overworked so and so who……., that was part of a text from a friend of mine. Came in a I laid prone on my bed every damn bone and joint aching in righteous protest to the sort of physical and mental rigour I have put my body through in the last two weeks. A few hours earlier I had calmly got out of my car and punched the driver of the car who had just scratched mine and then had the audacity to come out and start banging my window in the throat. After which I proceeded to grab his shirt and shake him thoroughly. Of course he deserved it and it was great to see the shock on everyone’s face at the sight of a rather slight woman pulling proper punches aimed for damage, thank you Tony for all those kicking and punching sessions in the gym. Not having allowed myself to be pushed that far since age 9, l knew I was cracking so I have spent Saturday locked up indoors, sleeping, eating and watching mindless TV. What a difference it made and why do we always wait till we are near breaking point to stop pushing ourselves? Now, why the heck am I wasting time saying all of this even when I know that with the challenges of trying to build something that is beyond survival in this big bad wonderful city, it is bound to happen again and again. This is true for most of the adult population here. That we are not an even more violent city is a miracle or is it just that the violence is underreported?

Friday Nov 29th, 5.20am, I pick Tony up at Oworonsoki bridge and swing the strawberry unto the 3rd mainland bridge, we put the radio on Unity FM 102.3. I had recently discovered an early morning show anchored by someone without an American accent real or acquired. The anchor who calls himself area father stutters a little but only because he is trying to “tush” up his speech with a weird mixture of Jamaica patois and hip hop slang. I often feel like shaking him and telling him to just focus on his elocution and speak clearly because he is good the way he is and would be great when he lets himself be himself. What I like most about him is the determination to find the hottest new Nigerian music and play them, I also find engaging his efforts at motivational speak which comes off as pop psychology. I blame the new army of motivational speakers some of whom should have their mouths wired shut with steel threads.

The area father came on sans lingo and stutter to clearly state that he was putting a certain Segun from the female hostel of a college in Ijebu Ode on air to give an eye witness report. Segun came on and started to tell how cultists had invaded the hostel at midnight and proceeded to rob and rape the girls. He told of how the electricity went off so the boys could not help the girls thus he decided to call the police… we were listening with rapt attention when the caller’s phone went dead. Tony and I looked at each other and knew that the boy must have run out of credit. Area father makes some comment about staying tuned and puts some music on, 3 minute later Segun is back on phone and on air. The presenter had called him back and sent him credit for his phone. So Segun continues narrating how he personally called the only police number he had and it happened to have been the Ikeja command’s number only to be told by the policeman at the receiving end that Ijebu Ode wasn’t their jurisdiction before hanging up on him.
We then waited to hear details of exactly what happened, what state the girls are in, what the authorities said and so on but all this did not come perhaps because the presenter must be aware of the draconian broadcast regulators’ rules (invented and interpreted to suit any government in power) about maintaining public peace.
Rather telling, was the deep gratitude in Segun’s voice as he thanked the presenter over and again for the credit sent to him.
I know the girls will not report for fear of stigma and the school authority will try to squash the story for fear of recrimination. By the time the journalists get there everyone would have clammed up, Segun’s phone will probably be switched off for a while, the story may make it into the odd paper but not into the deodorized papers the people who have the position to make a difference read. Who then will do something abut those girls and the bring the criminals to book? Who am I kidding, who did something about the girls in the secondary school reported two years ago, the girls in Niger and all the other places where this is becoming a norm.

These are the thoughts racing through my mind when I saw the wheel cover slicing through the air headed in my direction. I intuitive steeled myself and simply ran into it and continued speeding down the bridge. I know it was armed robbers, if I panicked and stopped or swerved and get run off the road or just find myself slowed down for any reason, we would be robbed at gun point or murdered right there and then. I and a friend had once had a flat at about 10pm and simply just kept driving down the bridge the torn tire flapping, the rim grating and screeching along the road accompanied by sparks even as we silently prayed they don’t come after us on okadas.

As we drove into Onikan’s dawn chaos, I marvel that my hands are not shaking, I am calm, perhaps it is numbness, perhaps it is just a conditioning that comes from living in the city of god.

So far, we have only got one confirmed donation into the account and one western union transfer. There is a shipped consignment of toys and clothes for the kids, which is on the way here from modupe, more about that later. I know there are at least 3 bloggers who want to personally work to galvanize support from their immediate environment and donate to the centre. I have been trying to find the time to agree with them on a strategy for this. Actually, l feel they should just do what they feel is right and I can provide information and access.

I must stress that the desire to help with the JWC was a natural reaction of bloggers to the swimmers story, I have years of experience with unconventional interventions and I know that you cannot artificially create a tidal wave and still be true. With sincerity and concerted work, somewhere there will be a tipping point that will create the kind of resources and influence with which we can make much more far reaching changes in areas that directly affect our pools of intervention. All l can ask is that for now, we anchor our spirit around the truth of December, which is a month of unquestioned, intuitive giving.

Still swamped and fire fighting on 3 simultaneous projects to be delivered in December and unveiled (oh the mystery...yeye woman) soon. I am therefore unable to function beyond autopilot on anything else however I can still laugh at a good video and a cover story. My little brother sent this to remind me of why I used to punch him and this which is just cute.

Then there is this piece on Zanele, I admit I don't really understand what is sexy to the average Joe but I have always maintained that it is not size zero. Get a load of the rack on that chick, I want to see the red blooded male who will say no to all that milkshake, even I want me some (put your eyebrow down jo, its not what you think).

One of my wise brothers call it E Dey Happen Banking. In this articleThisday's Ijeoma Nwogwugwu nails it on the head.

So sorry for the absence and lack of update on JWC et al. I am swimming hard against that darned tide and barely staying afloat. No worries though, will soon hit calmer waters.

I took a moment to breathe and saw this absolutely hilarious dating guide by kpakpando. Even more apt as the December wedding/homecoming season approaches, too funny.

Back with you soon.

Another gem from Mark Twain, hilarious!

Well since there is nothing sexy in the news other than the odd removal of shaki shaki governors and allegations of corruption, I might as well do this now that I may get away with it.

My immediate younger brother is one of those annoying siblings, a better version of you in every sense. He was always the prettier of the two, heck he was the prettiest of the lot (10) until the eye candy came along but that's another story. He is the nicer, funnier, more accommodating one. He is also the better journalist and if I didn’t love him so much, I’d hate him. One thing for sure, next time around, if I had a choice in the matter I would choose him all over again because my Mighty is the most loving, loyal and cool brother a girl could ask for. He would kill me for this but he's too nice besides I am the family bully. So here is Mighty's random reports on the media and entertainment.

No related, but this recent interview with pastor Paul Adefarasin may be of more than relative interest to you. Here are some excepts.

Monday morning in Lagos, the pace is even more manic than usual, Christmas is upon us I fear and woe betide the man (not gender specific) who is unable to buy himself and his family some joy this Christmas. Even worse, damnation be upon he who is seen to be unable to buy joy as measured in toys, travel, rainment and merriment.

Just before you run out unto that ferris wheel being spun around by a deranged drug fuelled anjonu, pause for a moment and ponder on this poem by William Yates

“Get all the gold and silver that you can,
Satisfy ambition, animate
The trivial days and ram them with the sun,
And yet upon these maxim meditate:
All women dote upon an idle man
Although their children need a rich estate;
No man has ever lived that had enough
Of children’s gratitude or woman’s love

No longer in Lethean foliage caught
Begin the preparation for your death
And From the fortieth winter by that thought
Test every work of intellect or faith,
And everything that your hand have wrought
And call those works extravagance of breath
That are not suited for such men as come
Proud, open-eyed and laughing to the tomb.”

Linger if you may on the last three sentences. Identify what true happiness is. Choose it. The choice often requires bravery and sacrifice but then what are you living for?

Just to emphasize the point, here is a zen parable

“A man travelling across a field encounters a tiger. He fled, the tiger after him. Coming to a precipice, he caught hold of the root of a wild vine and swung himself down over the edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down to where, far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him. Only the vine sustained him.

Two mice, one white and one black, little by little, started to gnaw away at the vine.
The man saw a luscious strawberry near him. Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other.

How sweet it tasted!”

If you must die now as we all will eventually, focus on the good, choose to die happy.

Now you may go out to find and do fulfilling and enriching work that honors you and hones you abilities, learning and talents. Something that enriches you by enriching others. The strange thing is, people actually get paid for that sort of work….eventuallyJ.

At lunch, why not download and read this hilarious (Letters From The Earth) but thought provoking piece by Mark Twain.

It is going to be a great week!

Oh by the way, I forgot to tell you, the speaker is married. It took all of 1 week but a wife has been found, sealed and delivered. Chikena! All is well that ends well.

Now to a really funny story, only I am not sure who should be laughing. Most of it happened on phone. Let’s ets all her Biola, she is a friend’s friend.
Biola: Hi Funmi, how now? I’m just calling to let you know that I am getting married next month o, so you must buy your aso ebi.
FI: HEY, congratulations, so you and Mike (not his real name) finally settled your differences
(Last month, I had been called in to counsel and hold the hankie in the latest episode of “Mike has started again oh” beating episode. They had been going out for two turbulent years).
Biola: Mike ke! That one na history jare praise God.
FI: You finally called it quits and you have found someone else and is ready to marry so fast? Good girl! Who is the lucky so and so!
Biola: It’s my first boyfriend from secondary school.
FI: Oh! You guys met again? How nice.
Biola: Met again? l have always seen him on the side now, l go to him for money when I’m broke, we have sex occasionally, you know, that kind of thing.
FI, So what has changed now?
Biola: The thing is, he has a problem with women; they won’t leave him alone so he can’t commit to one woman. His family is worried so they said he should marry me since I was his first girlfriend and they like me and I am Yoruba like him.
FI: But what does he want? What did he say?
Bola. He agrees now, he is not fooling me about the other women, he cant help that but he agrees that at least we have known each other since we were young especially when he didn’t have money so he choose me because yes his mum and family like me and he is ready to settle down now.
FI: If that is his story, what is yours? Why are you marrying him
Biola: (Deapan) Because I love him.

At this point, I meekly ordered my aso ebi and dutifully attended the wedding, the bride wore white. They separated 3 years later, his mother didn’t like her “barrenness”, he became violent and abusive, and she found religion. The last time I visited her; she had a curious book on her side table titled When God When?

The next edition of Vagina Monologues promises to be very interesting as KIND with the help of the likes of Wole Oguntokun and Pamela Braide are planning a Nigerianized version. Let’s see how that will pan out. Meanwhile, Pam is collecting stories and here is how you might be able to get involved.

We have been friends since one hot afternoon in 1993. It was in Idia hall at the University of Ibadan that I saw this 6.2 female with a body for days, flexing down the long corridor, humming Rum Shaker in my direction. I knew this was a kindred spirit and she is one of the most amazing human beings I know as I should since we have been through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows our love and friendship firmly in tact. Sometimes I want to strangle the yeye gal for her sheer bloody minded obstinacy, other times I want to gather her in my arms and protect her from her own humane vulnerabilities and yet still other times I cant stop laughing at her madness. Recently I couldn’t stop marvelling at Temi’s latest expression of her near genius mind, a curious mixture of scientifically trained processor and artistic genius. If only she weren’t so bloody stubborn but then I wouldn’t love her so much.

One day I will tell you the story of the passion, perseverance, determination and sheer discipline that goes into the production of each Michelangelo bag and shoe but then you can see the creativity and attention to detail cant you.

Finally, the house has ordered NBC to ban the airing of any clip or any debate on the recently ended big brother Africa 2 on Nigerian airwaves. Apparently the house fancies itself to be the Supreme Military Ruling council which is its prerogative but such ill conceived knee jerk reaction negates the possibility of a robust in-depth investigation into whatever breach in best practises could have occurred and reveals shocking ignorance about how pay TV works as against free to air. More importantly it fails to address real challenges within the Nigerian media space, which encourages exploitation and abuse.

Have a great weekend. I am planning to vegetate on my couch watching classics from Tunde Kelani and Quentin Tarantino.

One of the giants sent me this 46 year old piece by Chief Obafemi Awolowo.

Not a day has passed on the relevance of the issues raised, barring the bit about Russia.

Last night during the Big Brother Africa 2 finale show, I, the shrimp, the giant and I suspect a large percentage of Nigerians had the odds firmly on Ofunneka and were as shocked as she obviously was when Richards’s name was announced. She never did recover her poise till she fell into her fathers (?) arms post eviction.

I had wanted Ofunneka to win because she was a strong, hard working girl, she obviously was not cooking and cleaning and counselling and dancing and crying and laughing as part of a game but as part of the entity that was herself. My brain recognized that fact and wished her well especially after the statutory rape (please refer to Linda Ekeji’s comprehensive post on this) fiasco. However there was a devilish little part of me that wanted Richard to win, as that would present many more twists to the tale. If Richard were to win, will he share with Tatiana, will he stay with Tatiana? Certainly not Tatiana as I have little doubt the air headed little so and so would have proceeded to share the loot with that retarded Richard. She did save him once from eviction offering herself instead in a modern day ode to some unnamed Greek tragedy. Now I do not dislike Tatiana on the contrary I thought she was an engaging, happy soul and a sexy woman. I was also persuaded to believe that she trully is in love with Richard. The twist came faster than I expected when she came out of the house and announced that although she did love Richard she had agreed with him that they would both go back to their respective partners if the said partners will have them back. At that point she lost me.

Fast forward to a gloating Richard after he won the $100,000 prize declares also that yes there is a pact that he and Tatiana should return to their respective partners if the partner would have them back. So what other stupid pact do the big brother Romeo and Juliet have in stock? The plot thickens even as I suspect that Mrs Richard might stage a comeback, $100,000 may just buy the lothario some stand by your man reprieve. So where is the love in all of these unless of course those two are messing with us? Is the joke on us? Will the wife come back? Will the fiancé forgive? Will the love endure, and who will get the biggest endorsement? Now you understand why Richard won don’t you?

Who is Eric Wainaina from Kenya? Any relation of Binyavanga? Good question considering the socio politic slant to his song FANCY CAR performed during the finals. It was also the question on all our lips as we swayed and “drove” along to his smooth performance of the song. It echoed sentiments that every African can relate with and had a nice catchy Afro pop/reggae/soul appeal. I really liked it. His band also appeared professional and the performance was streetwise but smart.
One bet I did win was that the closing performance can only be by either D’banj or PSquare. There are no better entertainers in that genre in Africa right now, always delivering electrifying performances whatever the limitations. Last night Psquare did not disappoint.

Btw, Ofunneka need not worry, what she needs now is a good talent agent to leverage all the name recognition and exposure. Fortunately she is smart, articulate, high energy and in possession of a pretty good body. She is also likeable and focused so good luck to her. $100,000 is nothing compared to what she can make as last night’s show proved that baring SA, most of Africa’s advert spend is from Nigeria.

Spent the past few hours pimping my Mac, upgrading from 0S X Tiger to the OS X 10.5 leopard and adding iWork and iLife 08. Off course l intend to get the iphone but l am too squeamish about the ethics of owning one in Nigeria (as quite a few people do) because l know there must have been some magamago in the process of getting it working here.



Yes l admit it, my name is Funmi Iyanda and l am a Macoholic, Appoholic and Joboholic. I know I am an irritant who's bought into the whole "the underdog ethical geek wins saves the world" hype but l do like my hype with substance. The leopard? OMG! It's the sexy secretary with the killer bod and the intellect of a maths genius and the flexibility of a circus soleil acrobat, plus she is fun! So l have been preening and looking down my nose as windows, vista and linux enthusiasts one of whom showed me this little post and the ensuing yabis. I think you might quiet enjoy it.
One day the thinking, the offbeat, the different and the geeky will rule Nigeria. Or at least most of the economy. One day.

Have a great weekend.

The news this morning is that Mr. speaker is being accused of not having done his youth service and of chronic bachelorhood (don't laugh o), apparently a text detailing these grievous nation destroying offences had been circulated amongst members prior to Hon. Bankole's election as speaker. The speaker turns 38 today and is calling a press conference to address these urgent national issues.

Abeg na me don crase finish abi na dem? A man is being crucified for his marital status? A man who if we go by his qualifications must have spent quite a bit of time focussed on education and a political career and is maybe only just prime for marriage if he chooses it. What will happen if like Condi Rice a person with great leadership qualities chooses not to either marry or bear children? What about all the married fools (some with five wives and 20 concubines) who have led us into a quagmire? Of course marriage is good especially if you get it right but it is not a prerequisite for great leadership. Some may need to have children of their own to have compassion for others, but there are many who do not. More alarming are the multitude who remain evil despite producing a football team from their loins. I know men in high political offices who do not know which class their child is in and who boasts about not having seen the wife for months but pacify her with a new diamond earring when she vexes. Of course the allegation is shadow chasing but how low are they going to sink? Abeg guys, guys! If you are going to drown a person, find a real boulder to weigh them down, this pebble attempt is laughable.

As per the NYSC, you mean say anyone still dey take that shambolic waste of national funds seriously? It has become irrelevant and dysfunctional providing one of the last bastions of "chop up" for lazy contractors with friends, family and cronies in strategy positions. That said, l do subscribe to the ideal of the NYSC and believe that as long as it is part of the requirement for public service all public servant must complete it. Mr. Bankole does not have the age exempt but isn't there a clause about it being waived for those who have received military training? The speaker is a Sandhurst graduate so that might suffice, l do not know whether it covers military training outside Nigeria though. All those are questions he must address but this let's nail him attempt is too obvious and these "offences" are puerile.

As stated in a previous post l don't know the speaker from Adam and have no attractions towards him nor the venerable institution of marriage so this is no favour currying attempt.

He is unwittingly carrying the fragile hopes of my generation, as long as he pursues his job with integrity and diligence, we will support him, we will also ask hard questions of him to keep him on track. So down with the greying, paunchy, self-righteously married baying dogs and let’s get down to the business of legislation, starting with the bloody budget.

I have spent the past 48 hours with blotchy itchy skin and an irritable bowel and l blame Silverbird squarely. Now you all know that the galleria is one of my favourite haunts in Lagos but what is it with the recent bad selection of movies? Common Ben, Jide, Guy, Michael "fukus fukus" (in-house joke) guys! Enough of the mindless unfunny slapstick comedy cum brain pureeing b rated sci fi/non horror horror movies chowder we are being fed, I'm dying here.

From bad something (can’t be bothered to remember) to dark is rising and invasion which is the latest remake of body snatchers, l have slowly regressed into downing bags and bags (ate 3 on Monday) of sugared popcorn to numb my pain. The problem is l am allergic to sugar (a lifetime of living on it caught up with me) so l break out in itchy rashes and my weak knee joint aches. I know they must have commercial films to break even and there is a dearth of great films from Hollywood, Nollywood and Bollywood but please please mix it up ok or l fear l shall expire in a sugar induced seizure if l have to watch one more no brainer without a good script, fairish acting, above the line cinematography or great effects redemption.

The CORA organized Lagos Book fair is here again. This is the schedule of activities.

Also, here is Wole Oguntokun and Bolanle Austen Peter's Theatre at Terra initiative

The giant with the Big Brother addiction is away on vacation so I have not been given the usual updates or coaxed to watch thus I did not cotton on quickly to the unfolding scandal. The first person to alert me is an anti censorship, pro Big Brother journalist friend of mine and the level of her anger convinced me that something had gone horribly wrong.

The gist (I didn't watch) I have gathered over the weekend is that as usual the housemates were supplied with copious amounts of alcohol and got riotously drunk, woke up with hangovers then were assigned tasks involving even more ingestion of alcohol. By afternoon, the two girls Tatiana and Ofuneka (Nigerian) were comatose and lying prone on a drunk Richard who proceeded to fondle Ofuneka in the nether regions even whilst the girl was obviously too inebitrated to know what was going on, although her body naturally responded. Now, sebi you know I am a near flaming liberal but if this is what occurred, it is grossly irresponsible of MNET and the globally troubled Big Brother franchise has run its course in Africa. What Richard did is statutory rape, and all the underlying issues of uncontrolled promotion and facilitation of excessive alcohol consumption, rape and abuse promotes the proliferation of HIV infections and the AIDS pandemic in Africa.

Why did they drink all that alcohol? They want to fit in, win the audience and the tasks and eventually win a $100, 000, that surely is a form of harassment. As a media professional I know that everything and everyone is a pawn in the race to win ratings but to what extent? If the story is true, we must demand that the various regulatory bodies in all the countries to which BB is broadcast around Africa, look into the issue of best practises on the show, otherwise its time Big Brother stopped watching.

Wole Oguntokun and I visited the juvenile welfare centre on Friday and what I see is that beyond our intervention what is required is a total overhaul of the social welfare system especially as it concerns children. I am going to focus on trying to get information out of all the relevant government agencies and slowly start encouraging the sort of alliances that will foster those necessary changes. What will be required of us will be strategic and effective advocacy using the JWC as a launch pad. This is more mid term; the long-term objective will be to institute a functional social welfare system for children starting with Lagos.
What we need in the immediate is a volunteer who will work with me and start to the groundwork, update everyone on developments and knit the efforts together. Lets see who is ready to move beyond just talking to doing, yes it is a direct challenge to you. In the meantime what is needed most now is a vehicle for picking up abandoned children, moving some to orphanages and finding the families of others in far flung places. That and regular food, clothes, toys, books, games and DVDs to keep the children engaged.

Sincere apologies for getting back late to those outside Nigeria who want to contribute to the Alakara Juvenile Centre course.

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STANDARD CHARTERED BANK,
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CORRESPONDENT BANK FOR EUROPE
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FOR FURTHER CREDIT OF:
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Have you seen him? Tell me you have seen him, did you notice the gap, the smile, sandhurst/oxford/Harvard education too, please please tell me he is single. It is almost midnight and I'm right in the middle of a tug of war between sleep and one of the giants. What is eating her I wonder as I croaked who? The new speaker of course, have you seen him? Do you know him? When are you going to interview him, is he single?

Its 7.40 a.m. now in Lagos and that scenario has been played out over 6 six times by different excited females so as an advocate of all that interests and give women joy, I called Hon Femi Gbajabiamila whose phone was switched off, I forget, politicians are not morning people. Why Femi, well it just happened that I ran into him last week at his wife's lovely and quaint café salamander in Abuja and he had Dimeji Bankole in tow.

As is his tradition Femi goes for my jugular on the effect of Ettehgate on the political progress of Nigerian women. I bark back and hard, Femi digs in deeper on other areas of my (in his words) rabid feminism and elements of the media, I prepare to go from bark to bite but then, in steps a soft but firm voice with a trace of a British accent bearing a pearl of down to earth logic. Who be dis I wonder even as Femi and I carry on, it's a game, and we both know it and love it. It called lets argue just to check the health of the old grey matter.

So ladies, that's my one and only encounter with the 37 year old new speaker, all I can tell you is that I am prone to feel people before I see them and what I felt from that encounter was good. For one he did not piss me off with some stuffily dressed, pretentious, supercilious, ridiculously exaggerated British public school accented brand of bullshit. He was courteous, smartly dressed in simple bùbá and sòkòtò, listened and made meaningful contribution to the conversation. In the interest of research I have dug up this little tit bit and discovered that he is indeed single, l do not know if he is searching, I shall ask this and other such nation building questions when I sit him down to a television interview. He didn't light my female fires as he seemed to have a Tom Crusoid challenge (I like my heels high) but it seem that generally we have got a good pin up for young, educated and progressive politicians, lets see how long the infatuation lasts or if indeed he will prove worthy of our national love.

On my part I am placated by the fact that we may have lost a woman (deservedly so) but we have hopefully gained a dynamic youth. Stop crossing your fingers.