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Funmi Iyanda
Lagos, Nigeria
Funmi Iyanda is a multi award-winning producer and broadcast journalist. She is the CEO of Ignite Media and Executive Director of Creation Television
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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Back to base

So l went AWOL, if l tell you what happened you most likely wouldn’t believe me and perhaps l should save something for that book I’m going to write but l can tell you this for free, l have never been so happy to see Murtala Muhammed airport as l was yesterday. Between the surrealistic drama of my last Christopher Columbic week, eventual banishment to Atlanta suburbia and my faulty MAC (spent an entire day l must tell you about at the 5th avenue Apple shop’s genius bar, oh how l hate Apple but only because l love love love her so much) l was cut off from civilization as l know it i.e. high speed, wireless, virtual.

I smiled at the usually irritating shenanigans of arrival lounge poseurs -upper class travelling anal retentives and cavemen, ‘phonerics’ speaking, recently purchased foreign passport wielders, misguided yoof speaking even worse phonerics, baba/mama London/Chicago/Texas cursing Nigeria in strange sounding mixture of slangy “Ijenglish”). I even enjoyed the ordered chaos of our benign bullishness, compared to the dog sniffing, multi screening, multi profiling, paranoia and delays (stuck on the runway for 3 hour enroute Atlanta and the airline wont even give more than a giant’s spittle size amount of water) of flying in America and the UK, this was nothing.

As l had no Internet access for over a week, l hungrily scanned the headlines as the vendors walked by. The Turaki/Kalu saga rages, l noticed a little picture of Shakira, so did the Thisday concert hold after all? I also noticed that the madness of the BRT lane on Ikorodu road had not been psycho analysed and confined to an appropriate institution, never to be heard of again, has any one taken a toll of how many deaths and casualties have occurred since it started… Hey stop it, this is your glad to be home, all is well with the world moment Funmi so back off.

I am glad to see the shrimp and my sisters who proceed to spoil me in time honoured Yoruba (if l hear someone refer to me as African one more time or speak about giving aid to Africa or of coming to Africa on some charity mission aimed at buying credibility, l am going to frigging tear my hair out) tradition.

I walked into my room longing for my bed but then l opened my wall-to-wall wardrobe. Maybe it’s the past few weeks of anonymity and relative poverty but all of a sudden it all seemed a bit obscene to me. My job is the excuse but l know l certainly have much more crap than l need, even though l think l have purged myself of undue attachment to the material long ago (you sanctimonious so and so Funmi) but even then… My sisters thought l must have lost my mind but l think l found it because l calmly took out 50% of my wardrobe, okay okay, only 30% of the shoes and gave them all away. After the storm (yes the room looked like it had been hit b a hurricane, how did l accumulate all this expensive rubbish?) and clean up, my room acquired a feng suid Zen and l felt bloody good. I had detoxed my wardrobe and unleashed new energy. By the way, am l just going to go out here and acquire more? I don’t know men, right know I’m just kicking back and listening to Kanye West’s Diamonds From Sierra Leone and Amy Winehouse’s Rehab whilst watching a DVD of Bullets Over Broadway. Book for the week? Arianna Huffington’s Becoming Fearless. Eku ile o.

24 comments:

Jumi said...

Glad to know you got back home safely, Funmi. Please give the shrimp a hug.

Chxta said...

The American display of wealth makes one choke doesn't it?

Welcome back anyways...

Caleb said...

eka bo oh! hope i got that right. one question though, ever thought of taking a vacation to space? Say stop over at Mars. Visit the disbanded planet pluto and maybe take a peek into the milky way. I'm sure you would say no to it. reason: no internet in space. or is there?

Nonesuch said...

E kaabo. welcome back. by the way i'm intrested in some of the giveaway especially the shoes. i pray i'm the right size.pls kindly let me know where to pick them up.

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

E ka bo o!!!! i was starting to wonder what happened to u!!!

so how did u do this wardrobe detoxing?? i need help o. my room looks like a bombs gone off in it!!

good to have u back.

twinstaiye said...

Ekabo, welcome back!

Anonymous said...

It so goooood to know u r back,at least u will b updating ur blog frequently now.u ave bin a great inspiration to me n i'm so addicted to u.loads n loads of luv to Morenike

yeah where can i get some of ur stuffs u r givin away

Anonymous said...

no place like home eh?
u must felt like kissing the ground.

Sherri said...

hey Funmi,
i just lost my comment o, have u seen it...)
no place like home eh?
u must have felt like kissing the ground.
way to go! on the purge what an exhilarating feeling eh?
enjoy urself with the shrimp, u know how fast they become jumbo.

BabsBETA said...

Welcome back BIG sister. Im addicted to all things labeled Funmi Iyanda.

Ayoola said...

Welcome back, Ms. Iyanda,
Not to be too forward (and please don't mind my shamelessness about this) but emm, next time you're detoxing your shoe collection, please remember me. :-) I wear a size 11 (US), which I have a heck of time trying to find even in America.
Thanks.
Btw, love your writing.

Afolabi said...

ijenglish-new word to my vocabulary

jjc girl said...

Welcome back Funmi. What an amazing experience you've had. All part of life's rich tapestry, right? I have also been travelling, just left New York where I discovered NEPA has a yankee cousin (power cut in Westchester County). Also scarily close to the blast in Manhattan as I passed through Grand Central station 2ce a day. Looking forward to getting back home (to sanity - LOL)in a few days' time too and reading more from you.

PROACTIVE said...

Welcome back! Welcome back!! Welcome back!!!
I know you like it here. E ka bo o. Se balodu o jepo pupo. Almost lost in the wonderment myself. So please go clean up, dont over use the perfs....and....pls pls pls try get on with the life here. Play "strenght of a woman" by Shaggy. It wii fire you up. If you dont like that, play Haruna Ishola. Its one of my alltime fav.


i like 2 c u rolling...

catwalq said...

wait o aunty, u were donating designer cloth and I was not informed?
*sob*
welcome back sha

simplykenny said...

E KAABO O. its so good to know u are back!
rest well, eat well and get ready to fire on with your blog and program.i must say i have realy missed you!
by the way, did u by any chance gain some burger fat?i realy look forward to seeing you o.

Bukky said...

Good to have you back in 9ja.Wish you the very best as i am sure your comeback to new dawn will be astounding.take care!

Toni Payne said...

You just made me home sick with the scanning headlines comment. Had a brief flashback :( Gosh! I wanna go to naija so bad Im going to cry..sighs!

per the clothes, Tell me about it, I had the same experience sunday, I walked into my closet looking for something to wear to church and after 5 minutes I stood there stomped, anyways came to the conclusion that its time to have salvation army pay another visit. Sad part is Im not a big shopper, but I always manage to accumilate stuff I get bored of, I guess thats why I should stick to my jeans and tees even though I need to go dress shopping terribly.

Toni Payne said...

@ ayoola.. I have one word for you, well actually 2.. DSW SHOES.. My grams wears a size 11, I always see cute stuff when I shop that isle with her

Funmi Iyanda said...

@all, your love overwhelms me, eri mi wu o!
@ jumi, miss you, miss you, miss you. find me a seminar or something to attend in canada just so l can see you and the prawns.
@chxta, tell me about it, at the brainstorm, they were complaining about the public education system and the about $6,000 per child budget, l just dey look dem where l wan start from?
@caled, l no know book o
@nonesuch, gal, word gets out quick l find.
@36, sista, first ruthlessley remove everything you havent worn in 8 months, the things you'll lose or gain weight to wear, the things remnants of old relationships and that leader bomber jacket. With shoes, all those almost my size bauties you bought on sale is a good start, then there the ones you'll soon have reheeled, reyed, restitched, you wont so give them out. The bliss of a lean mean joy giving wardrobe is immense.
@Ayoola, how have you been, still dancing, dimply smilling, being your gorgeous happy self huh? Size 11, girl l am only half size less and l know what you mean, the sale rack reduces into a cluster of misery an the sizes go up but Tony is right DSW does big sizes, next time l find a pair of fab shoes in your size, l will buy and send them to you, promise.
@jjc, thank God for that o.enjoy your trip and come home to us soon and safe.
@proactive, l dey listen to everything o and l love Haruna, dauda Epo Akara, Ayinla Omowura, Nightingale, Rex Lawson Victor Uwaifo and so on. Got most of Fela's work from Kula Lobito pre compilation CD.
@Tony Payne, l feel you, its amazing how we were the things we need and like to death and decorate the space with the rest of the junk. when are you looking at stopping by this way? Also l have not forgotten the group email thingie on those project o.

Ayoola said...

@ Funmi Iyanda and Toni Payne: Ah, that's so nice of you. Thank you for the kind gesture and the shopping suggestions. :-)

My 2 cents said...

I wear 3 to 4 and a half inch heels, so technically I am not able to detox my closet as no one I know wears heels that high.(Truth is I can't let og off my shoes, those are my babies).
Glad you made it back safely,the babysitting in New york is open anytime you're in town holla @ a sista..

Funmi Iyanda said...

@2 cents, tut, tut gal, excuses excuse ;-). l wear 3 to 6 inches, back pain or no so you can send them my way but not to worry luv, you dont have to give away your babies. I've still got a bit and that sort of detox is personal anyway, its a space you either arrive at or not and either way it takes nothing from your essence and humanity.

Funmi Iyanda said...

@2 cents, tut, tut gal, excuses excuse ;-). l wear 3 to 6 inches, back pain or no so you can send them my way but not to worry luv, you dont have to give away your babies. I've still got a bit and that sort of detox is personal anyway, its a space you either arrive at or not and either way it takes nothing from your essence and humanity.