Funmi Iyanda

playwriter, director and lawyer laspapi and l post xmas glutonny



So second day of the 007 year huh? Happy New Year people! Apologies for the long absence. Body no be wood. On my part l have spent the holiday doing what all sensible, rational humans do at this time, getting introspective, depressed, then compensating by partying, drinking and eating too much, then waking up on the morning of New Year reaching for a bag of detox tea. Make no mistakes l am a person given to tentative extremes (my self preserving brain never shuts down long enough for me to get really plastered in any sense) so l take my New Year detox and renewal very seriously. This is especially more important as 2006 towards the end became truly bloody-minded. From the plane crash to the commando style politics and robberies, to the pipeline explosion, Godwin Agroko's death, Saddam's execution and the return of the fuel queues, that year dragged everyone down with her. Now l am perfectly aware that l am being ridiculous and it is all just another date but isn’t there a tiny bit of even the most rational mind that must buy into a little superstition.
Take that new Denzel film Déjà vu, beneath the entire science mumble jumble; it is after all a film about juju, religion and the drive for that one chance at snogging a beautiful girl. The world is taking inspiration from Nigeria.
Now as l totally abandon my rational mind which reminds me that each day is just a rotation of the earth and that the happenances of each day are a consequence of our actions or inactions of the day before and all the other days before. That mind pointing at the worsening fuel queues as an indication of where the new bride 007 is headed. However, heading that rational mind at this time will be denying one of the factors, which makes us human. The sense of hope. That is what a new year, a new child, a new job, a new relationship; a new pair of shoes is about. The sense that this time it will be better, we will be smarter, sexier, richer, wiser, and luckier. As with a new relationship, we will start by detoxing, hiding or trying to exorcise our flaws, then we will slowly get tired with aiming for perfection and begin to settle as other factors of life assail us until either like with 2006 we don’t ever want to see the frigging bastard again or as in the rare cases (haven’t got a year in recent Nigerian history to compare) we develop a shock absorbing, mutually honouring relationship that endures from year to year. That of course is true of individuals as is it of nations, more that anything else it s about developing a system that works, continually participating in and engaging the system knowing that there is no end, no nirvana, no utopia, just warm companionship occasionally broken by periods of great triumphs and turbulence.
In the year 007, Nigeria needs BONDs, Beacons Of a New Dawn; a new year is about hoping that we will find them. In the meantime l shall begin with the most invasive detox of them all, a colonic irrigation, maybe if l clean up well enough, l will get wiser, sexier, richer and happier, isn’t that what a new year is about?