Funmi Iyanda

YIPEEEE! Done it at last, 2 months, N389,750 (about $2,800), many rational, irrational and hysterical arguments, one police report and four threats of physical assault down the line, l’ve done it. Have l won the lottery? No! Adopted an African (-: baby? no!! found a sensitive, rich, nurturing, rich, intelligent, rich, good-looking/living, rich male type? nah men!!! I GOT WIRELESS BROADBAND INTERNET!!! What? No cymbals, fireworks and atilogun war victory cries?

l suppose those of you my dear friends outside of Nigeria are wondering what sort of cheap drugs l am on now but l suspect the Nigerians "wey no de koko" (know the deal) are smiling ruefully, myself l am laughing out loud and hugging my five year old who’s wondering what’s eating her eccentric mama again.

After touring the various ISP coy, l settled for one, which seem most affordable and come better recommend. It took 1 week post payment for them to report at my home/office. Another 2 to install their hardware and one more to determine that my house was in a valley and thus require VSAT. They should have done an evaluation to determine my geographic challenge and recommended what l need? why? And take out all the fun and games of the past nine weeks? l don’t fink so!

So we spend a couple of weeks arguing about additional cost, l reason, l shout, l call the police, l cry then l chuck out a few more tens of thousands in naira, then they come 8 weeks later to install the VSAT.

l rush through four hours (it was a good day) of traffic to get home and online and reassert my presence in the cyber human sphere. Flip open my Mac and nothing! l call my assistant and she calls the company and the laconic engineer snaps, "but you didn’t say you want it to be wireless'! You have to pay N45, 000 ($340) for a router!! l threaten, l scream, l throw a tantrum, l call my lawyer. She says just go and buy the router Funmi. You can do a show about all this later and we can write them a stinker but you need to be connected and you hate dial up. So three days ago l buy the router and it took two days to get them to come activate it so an hour ago l joined civilization.

It’s like childbirth, traumatic but mostly instantly forgettable at the sight of a wrinkled little lump of humanity. So people l am here with you, hopefully for good. Wading through the backlog will take a while but I'll reply everyone ASAP.
l am great, my campus train project is gathering momentum, l continue to engage learn, inform and share. The stories from my work are at one harrowing and fulfilling in the opportunities presented to make a difference. l am great, my campus train project is gathering momentum, l continue to engage learn, inform and share. The stories from my work are at one harrowing and fulfilling in the opportunities presented to make a difference. l lost 3 of my scholarship kids to disease in the last 3 months and got two new raped, abandoned teenagers in care. l am trying to set up a chain of hope for young girls who have been raped. From dedicated help lines to training a few police personnel whom can gather and preserve evidence to counselors, pro bono lawyers and halfway homes. That apart from the vote Nigeria project my mentee Tayo Etomi has begun. It is tough as we have little help but l usually have little time or patience for red tape, the work is too much and urgent, the challenges and obstacles too numerous to have time for the politics of philanthropy.