Funmi Iyanda

This week, ended with the interview of the police commissioner yesterday, my post and video on that will be ready by Monday or Tuesday. Since l work like a donkey, l decided to party like a rock star. To test the denials of all concerned in the dress arrest "crase", l don an Emmy Collin short shorts, my fav bad attitude tee also by Emmy with the inscription, "fashion rules are for fools" and stepped into my four inch congealed blood maroon platforms, wrapped a long multi coloured knit scarf by Ebun Olatoye around my neck which drops all the way to the floor in a noughties hippie style. l joined Collin Khumalo of Multi choice and designers Remi Lagos and Emmy at Picolo Mondo in celebration of Enzo, Zizi Cardow's partner's birthday. It was an unlagos like, unpretentious, fun party with a hip mix of happy party people and fabulous DJ. I can happily report that l didn’t get questioned or arrested at the many police checkpoints (beefed up security) we passed. Now l don’t know if that was because of Collins' obvious officious expart 4 wheel (oh the carbon trail shame!) or the fact that l didn’t leave the island but there was no incidence. As l prepare to leave for SA, let me leave you with these two admittedly cheesy but funny jokes sent to me by my talented, crazy funny newspaper editor brother Mighty whose usual retort when I whine about stressful situations is "thats why god created stout". Have a great weekend.

Heres a push

There was this very rich Ibo man in Nnewi who had only one daughter. When the daughter was of marriage age, the father sent news around town, that all the eligible young men should come out on a particular day to compete in a test which would determine who was fit to marry his daughter.

On that set day, all the able-bodied young men came out. Some came with paper and biro and others with cutlasses and swords. The rich man took them to his swimming pool and addressed the men: "any of you who can swim from one end of this swimming pool to the other would marry my daughter. In addition, I'll give him 50 million naira, a car and a house so they can start of life well. I shall be waiting to meet my son-in-law at the other side. Good luck!" As the young men, all very excited at the prospect of winning, started taking off their shirts, a helicopter came over the pool and dropped snakes and crocodiles into the pool. Immediately all the men turned back and started wearing their shirts again.
Disappointed, some of them said "make de man go marry im pikin joo!". All of a sudden, they heard a splash in the pool. Everybody watched in amazement as one gentleman struggled his way across, avoiding the snakes and crocodiles.
Finally, he made it to the other side as the would-be in-law, panting. The rich man could not believe it. He asked the man to name anything he wanted. The man was still breathless, panting uncontrollably. Finally, he got himself together and made his request, saying, "...show me the pesin wey push me inside di swimming pool"
Moral of the story: "You don't know what you are capable of doing until you are pushed.


Cover your ass
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
>Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
>Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
>Live simply and appreciate what you have.
>Give more. Expect less NOW ...........

Enough of that crap . . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON: When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.