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Funmi Iyanda
Lagos, Nigeria
Funmi Iyanda is a multi award-winning producer and broadcast journalist. She is the CEO of Ignite Media and Executive Director of Creation Television
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Saturday, August 18, 2007

Tough week

This week, ended with the interview of the police commissioner yesterday, my post and video on that will be ready by Monday or Tuesday. Since l work like a donkey, l decided to party like a rock star. To test the denials of all concerned in the dress arrest "crase", l don an Emmy Collin short shorts, my fav bad attitude tee also by Emmy with the inscription, "fashion rules are for fools" and stepped into my four inch congealed blood maroon platforms, wrapped a long multi coloured knit scarf by Ebun Olatoye around my neck which drops all the way to the floor in a noughties hippie style. l joined Collin Khumalo of Multi choice and designers Remi Lagos and Emmy at Picolo Mondo in celebration of Enzo, Zizi Cardow's partner's birthday. It was an unlagos like, unpretentious, fun party with a hip mix of happy party people and fabulous DJ. I can happily report that l didn’t get questioned or arrested at the many police checkpoints (beefed up security) we passed. Now l don’t know if that was because of Collins' obvious officious expart 4 wheel (oh the carbon trail shame!) or the fact that l didn’t leave the island but there was no incidence. As l prepare to leave for SA, let me leave you with these two admittedly cheesy but funny jokes sent to me by my talented, crazy funny newspaper editor brother Mighty whose usual retort when I whine about stressful situations is "thats why god created stout". Have a great weekend.

Heres a push

There was this very rich Ibo man in Nnewi who had only one daughter. When the daughter was of marriage age, the father sent news around town, that all the eligible young men should come out on a particular day to compete in a test which would determine who was fit to marry his daughter.

On that set day, all the able-bodied young men came out. Some came with paper and biro and others with cutlasses and swords. The rich man took them to his swimming pool and addressed the men: "any of you who can swim from one end of this swimming pool to the other would marry my daughter. In addition, I'll give him 50 million naira, a car and a house so they can start of life well. I shall be waiting to meet my son-in-law at the other side. Good luck!" As the young men, all very excited at the prospect of winning, started taking off their shirts, a helicopter came over the pool and dropped snakes and crocodiles into the pool. Immediately all the men turned back and started wearing their shirts again.
Disappointed, some of them said "make de man go marry im pikin joo!". All of a sudden, they heard a splash in the pool. Everybody watched in amazement as one gentleman struggled his way across, avoiding the snakes and crocodiles.
Finally, he made it to the other side as the would-be in-law, panting. The rich man could not believe it. He asked the man to name anything he wanted. The man was still breathless, panting uncontrollably. Finally, he got himself together and made his request, saying, "...show me the pesin wey push me inside di swimming pool"
Moral of the story: "You don't know what you are capable of doing until you are pushed.

Cover your ass
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
>Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
>Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
>Live simply and appreciate what you have.
>Give more. Expect less NOW ...........

Enough of that crap . . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON: When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.


Ugo Daniels said...

Ah ah Funmi, wetin na. Why must it be an Nnewi rich man? I'm a local patriot o :)

Funnily interesting, though and great teaching too. Cheers!

Judy123 said...

Very, very funny Funmi and quite didactic! Looking forward to viewing the interview with the Police Comm.
Have fun in SA!

bhookey84 said...

LOL very funny jokes

ah ahn no pics?

Anonymous said...

I really liked the first story. It was refreshing and revitalizing to my soul. A great departure from all the fantacies I'm accustomed to reading on the net. These days, it's very difficult to come across folk tales with reasonable and applicable morals. Thanks for pasting it on your blog.

catwalq said...

@Fashion Extraordinaire: Aunty na u biko. Carry go. chei and i missed the party o. no shaking, another day dey

@Jokes and morals: yes oh

Mikeff said...

Dear Funmi,
First time out here on you blog. I must say I impressed. was supposed to be at the party for Zizi but...Was here in Accra.Hope you all had fun.Who were the others at the gig.Waiting
Michael Effiong

Caleb said...

funny story, interesting lessons. how about a pic of you in that dress.

uknaija said...

Had to laugh at your description of your try the police outfit

Pumping! said...

Baffer Gee, after you there is no other.

I am going to make a tee and have your tee-shirt writings on it, i think it is totally cool. (copyright)

You are just a bundle of inspiration, going thru some patient requiring things right now, but i would just dust the dirt off and take a step up.


jjc girl said...

My mind always seems to go off at an apparently random tangent at moments like this, please bear with me... What I want to know is - why the "tout Naija" is beating a path to South Africa? A genuine enquiry which is not hating that particular country or its people, just trying to get to the bottom of our current fascination with SA.

funmi said...

@caleb and bhookey84, it'll probably end up in some mag, didnt take any but might get some off zizi, better still isint it best left to the imagination;-)
@mikeff, hey mike, how you dey mai broda? call me and l'll tell you ;-)
@catwalq, look forward to going dancing with you one day soon
@ugo, admit it, the nnewi man in that role is so believable

Tayo said...

Great stuff Funmi. Have fun in SA.

Atutupoyoyo said...

Very funny. I trust that the lack of an update since is not because you were arrested in that dress and thrown inside guardroom. Should we start organising money for bail?

Anonymous said...

Aunty Funmi, you might be interested in this blog: nigeriangist.blogspot.com
Enjoy urself in SA, u need it.

Tayo said...

Hey Funmi, just saw the video through the link ... LOL, you really put that guy on the hot seat. You did a good job though, and it was the right thing for him to come out and clarify things. I hope such stuff won't happen again, and I hope he'll keep tabs on his policemen after this.

laspapi said...

The donkey story-

When life pours dirt on you...shake it off; stomp on it; rise a little higher.

laughing at the ass coming back to give its owner a bite that turned septic. Yeah, I owe some people a few bites myself...